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Firm lowers starting salary by $18
With toner costs at an all-time high, the Firm announced today that it will be forced to lower the starting salary for first-year associates by $18, from $145,000 plus an end-of-year bonus to $144,982 plus the bonus. Said hiring partner Anonymous Lawyer, "While it's a regrettable decision, the increased cost of toner has to fall on someone, and for obvious reasons it can't be the partners. While some of the cost is being passed onto clients, and some is being taken care of by the firing of three random members of the support staff, we found that there was still a budget shortfall, and the only fair thing to do was to lower the salaries of the first-year associates enough to make them angry but not enough to actually have any sort of impact on their lives. We hope this will serve as motivation for them to work harder on behalf of our clients, so they can become second-year associates, whose salaries have gone unchanged." Said one associate who wished to remain anonymous, but we won't let her (It's Jessica Bartholowitz), "This seems kind of petty." In response to her reaction, Ms. Bartholowitz was recently named toilet monitor for her hall by the partnership of the Firm.
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