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Firm bans Internet
After noticing that many associates were using the Internet for non-work-related tasks during business hours, the Firm announced today a complete ban on Internet usage, and cancelled its contract with IBM to provide information technology services to the Firm. IT staff had been monitoring Internet use for the past month, after a request from the Firm's workplace productivity committee, and discovered that over 90% of associates were sending personal e-mail, reading the newspaper, tracking sports scores, checking stock prices, and doing other non-work-related activities while they ought to be billing clients.
Despite evidence that clients were being billed for these activities regardless, the Firm decided today to take a bold step into the 18th century and ban all Internet use. Communication will now be done using paper, and research will be done in the library. The Firm expects that the productivity gains, from associates no longer able to manage their fantasy baseball teams while in the office, will reach over a million dollars a week.
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