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Notable Experience
While the Firm notoriously dislikes any practice area that can be found in the yellow pages, Mr. James has managed to excel here despite his divorce law focus due mainly to his high contempt for love, and his impressive list of clients, comprising royalty and A-list celebrities from both sides of the pond. Known as the Ant-Eater (for his ability to suck out the juiciest settlements), Mr. James has represented such notable clients as Cris Judd, Ojani Noa, Larry Fortensky, and Tom Green, all of whom married outside their league, and all of whom received hefty settlements after "risque" photographs or videos of their spouses threatened to become public. Mr. James is currently courting Prince William, for the inevitable day when he shall marry a commoner, and divorce her because she can't hold her champagne at Royal functions.
Hobbies/Interests
Buying designer suits, having associates take bums suit-shopping and then leaving with the bill; finding ways to marry into the Royal family, amateur photography and videography.
Family
Mr. James is currently single, though supports many of London's hardest working women.
Best Experience at the Firm
"It was soon after I made partner that J-Lo and Cris Judd decided to divorce. Judd, who like most dancers lacks the ability to think, signed this ridiculous pre-nup stating that if the divorce were 'mutual', he would only get $100,000. In Hollywood, nothing is mutual. Luckily, my interest in videography, GPS, and Ben Affleck helped me produce the evidence necessary to get Judd the settlement he deserved."
Worst Experience at the Firm
"The inane sexual harassment seminar in 2004, where the speaker's voice was akin to the sound a Hummer makes when it hits a baby deer. While its highly amusing to hit baby deer, it proves less amusing to listen to."
Advice to Law Students
"Idealism is just another word for everything left to lose. Saddness, ultimately, is security."
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