We are committed to compensating associates at a level virtually commensurate with our peer firms. First year associates currently earn $144,900 per year. All associates who meet standard benchmarks in terms of hours billed and performance evaluations typically receive a bonus of up to 50% of what our peer firms offer. Associates who have served in clerkships are awarded certificates recognizing such experience. Associates are entitled to take four weeks of vacation each year, and encouraged to take as many as two.

Anonymous Law Firm associates are provided with an excellent health and dental benefits package that covers almost all major medical conditions, with the exception of repetitive stress injuries, eye strain, and exhaustion. Coverage begins on the first day of employment and may be purchased for spouses and dependents at an additional cost.

The Firm pays Bar Review, Bar Exam, and State Bar Association expenses for all associates who pass the Bar Exam on their first try. Expenses for continuing legal education programs and an American Bar Association membership are paid on a discretionary basis.

The Firm pays moving and travel expenses for new attorneys, up to $100 per family member.

The Firm provides life insurance equal to three times annual base salary, as well as accidental and intentional death and dismemberment coverage and short- and long-term disability insurance, excluding coverage for injuries resulting from work-related suicide attempts.

On the first day of the month following an associate's first day of employment, associates are eligible to participate in the Firm's 401(k) retirement plan, not that anyone ever retires of their own accord. We fire old people.

Anonymous Law Firm provides a 36-hour leave of absence with full pay and benefits for the birth of a child, care of a seriously ill family member, or serious health problems. We have also established a formal flexible work arrangement policy for those who desire a more flexible schedule without the pressures of advancing in the firm.

Counseling and information is provided for employees with personal problems, stress-related situations, substance abuse issues, or general personal weakness of any sort.

Our Los Angeles and Chicago offices provide a parking allowance for associates; the New York, Washington and London offices provide transportation stipends; the New Orleans office provides boats; the Baghdad office provides semi-automatic weapons.

• Free blackberry device
• Year-round business formal dress code
• Attorney lounge
• Subsidized health club membership
• Interest-free financing for purchases of job-related technology for home use
• Offices include desks and bookshelves
• Unlimited supply of Post-it Notes
• In-office emergency kit with canned food and flashlight
• Support staff
• Seasonal air conditioning and heat
• Use of office bathrooms